Dark Lord ads
by Varda
Summary: Some dark lord ads and other ads too
1. Some odd ones yes

Hi, people! This is my very first time writing here so please if your writing a review….be gentle please. Okay These started out as dark lord ads but they just….well read! And Fatty is so a dark lord by the way! Okay I am so gonna stop now and here it goes……Oh yeah I don't own any of these here characters and Tolkien does (glare).  
  
Need someone to watch those cute little dark lords in training while you're out there taking over the world? Well, send them over to Fatty's Evil daycare and he, along with other dark lords will watch over those precious little dark lords.  
  
Sauron's Eye drops: Do you have red, dry, itchy eyes? Try Sauron's own remedy of eye drops made in Mordor w/ the help of his (author's note: and very hot) eye-specialist orcs.  
  
Does your long hair desire to have volume and all together poofiness? Try Citadel Cream guaranteed to give that hair the bounce you've always wanted.  
  
Shortness affects numerous people who can't find sensible clothes to fit them. Well, never fear, those of us w/ vertically challenged needs shall find hope at Sam and Fro's short shop. (sale on green elven cloaks and leaf broaches 10% off).  
  
Are you sick of hair on your feet? Do you yearn for baldness on your feet instead of your head? Try HairBegone by the makers of GrowHairGrow and watch those hairs just fall off.  
  
If you're jealous of the other hobbits around you who show off their hairy feet all the time or if you are ashamed to bring your bland and hairless feet out from under those feet wigs and toupees, Use GrowHairGrow invented by B.Baggins and Co.  
  
Here's a long one….  
  
Do you know someone w/ an addiction? Do they attempt murder or get scary facial expressions when they want their "precious"? Do they constantly refer to rings as my precious in a low hiss/whisper? Send them to ORA. Or One Ring Anonymous where they can get help to conquer their addictions. Call at 1-800-RingAddict NOW!!!!  
  
Sponsored by Uruk-Hai and Sauron. Held in Sauron's groovy layer at 8:00pm Wednesdays.  
  
If you are the envy of all you friends w/ your long, blond, flowing hair (sigh!), can fit in a size zero outfit, and/or are pretty handy w/ a bow; please call Legolas's Modeling Agency at 1-800-BarbieElf or visit belf.com.  
  
Okay…alack! I hope u like them. I have finished and I shall go now. 


	2. Some more random ads for y'all

I got some more ideas. Well, I do not own anybody in LOTR except maybe them cute little hobbits that Funf and I have locked up in our closets……  
  
Commercials:  
  
Saurman: These Ents sure do reek havoc on my rose bushes when the come stomping around my citadel. What ever shall I do?!  
  
Announcer guy: If Ents are destroying your lawn and they wont go away with a kind "Get off my lawn y'all" or they don't react to your blasts from your big old magic sticks; Try Some EntBeGone. The best weedkiller out there to make sure those dastardly Ents know whose boss. But don't be to hasty with it now.  
  
Want Ad in Dark Lords Weekly:  
  
DL seeks Female DL to share in laughing manically over the destroying of Middle earth. Must be a flaming eye or at least a flaming something….Desperate…for some company………..so alone…..so very alone…orcs beginning to look attractive………..help……..  
  
  
  
Do you have absolutely any idea as to what to do with all that toe fungus collecting in your hobbity feet? Well researchers can concluded that it is edible and tastes pretty darn good.  
  
"It is delectably yummy and goes great in pints" – Merry B. a satisfied customer  
  
" They come in pints?! I'm getting one!" Peregin Took another satisfied customer.  
  
(okay a little odd ad but hey they have got to do something with that toe fungus!)  
  
Sale on gold ring! Ring will adapt to any finger size! Corruption by ring is not guranteed.  
  
Is your Citadel looking drab these days? Do you need a splash of color for the spring? Well Saurmon's Color Shack is just what you need for your pastels paints and psycadelic furniture. They also have groovey techo and '60 music for sale. They hold special break dancing competitions in which Saurmon himself participates in. Stop on by and chill for a while at Saurmon's Shack!!!  
  
Okay I so ran out of ideas here but I will come up with more later. Hope you like!  
  
Bye now! 


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